


lucky i flew when i was told to jump

by hyacinth4maria



Series: heroic hearts, made weak by time and fate, but strong in will [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, F/F, First Love, Hinata Shouyou & Yachi Hitoka Friendship, Yachi Hitoka & Hinata Shoyou & Tsukishima Kei &Yamaguchi Tadashi & Kageyama Tobio Friendship, Yachi Hitoka Being a Lesbian for 5k Words, Yachi Hitoka-centric, just girls being gay, kagehina and tsukkiyama if u squint, karasuno first years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:41:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23241904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyacinth4maria/pseuds/hyacinth4maria
Summary: Hitoka's throat closes up and when she speaks, her voice warbles and cracks, "I'm sorry."Kiyoko's face, the face Hitoka had grown to love, breaks with sorrow at Hitoka's words. Kiyoko steps back, her hands retreating to her chest and her eyes beginning to water."Hitoka-chan,"Hitoka feels a wave of regret wash over her, so powerful it almost knocks her off her feet."Pwease-" Hitoka hiccups, "please forget it, Shimizu-san."After Hitoka forces the words through her snot and tears, Kiyoko's own tears break through.Kiyoko calls out her name once more, but by this point, Hitoka has already ran away._Yachi Hitoka has loved and been loved. She feels lucky for it all.
Relationships: Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Yachi Hitoka/Original Female Character(s)
Series: heroic hearts, made weak by time and fate, but strong in will [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1611217
Comments: 36
Kudos: 115





	lucky i flew when i was told to jump

Hitoka stops abruptly at the sight of Kiyoko. 

She is standing in line for onigiri, absently rubbing her own arm, swaying slightly to the pop song blaring through the gymnasium.

Kiyoko's a bit taller, her hair is much shorter, her smile is broader. 

Hitoka has never seen her so confident in such a short skirt, even if she is wrapped in a long coat. 

Hitoka suddenly feels fifteen again. Small and nervous and enthralled by the beauty of a girl two years her senior. 

Then she catches sight of Tanaka, who reaches behind Kiyoko and smacks a kiss on her cheek. Kiyoko giggles (Hitoka had never seen her giggle like this) and leans into the arms that wrap around her. 

It is only when someone shoves their way past Hitoka that she remembers not to stare. 

It is too late at at that point, because the couple she wished she'd avoided have caught sight of her.

"Hitoka-chan!" Kiyoko calls, her smile widening.

Hitoka has never been the kind to refuse her.

_

When Hitoka was younger, her mother would braid her hair.

Her long, thin fingers would card through the tangles and carefully brush with a wooden comb. Then her mother would pull parts of her hair apart only to bring them together agin, tighter now. 

Hitoka loved these times the most. Her usually frantic heart would calm as soon as she kneeled at the foot of her mother's favorite armchair. 

Her mother, so often aloof and distant, would hum in her ear and sing soft songs from her childhood.

Hitoka was most at peace in these moments. 

Then, Hitoka grew and no longer needed her mother to style her hair. 

When Hitoka was fifteen, Kiyoko braided her hair.

It was during a summer training camp.

The night was stifling in its warmth. Bugs were everywherd and Hitoka felt her skin crawl at the thought of them. She had applied enough bug repellant to ward off even the strongest, but she still felt her spine shiver at the mere notion of a bug creeping into her sleeping bag. Kiyoko had assured her that no such thing would occur, but you could never be sure with animals. 

The other girls were getting ready for bed, giggling and talking amongst themselves.

One girl, Kaori Suzumeda, suggests they go around and tell secrets.

Yukie Shirofuku admits she has never kissed a boy.

Eri Miyanoshita shyly offers that she pretends to be a rock star when she showers.

Kiyoko announces to the room that she has always wanted to write a novel.

When everyone has had their turn and the room loks expectantly at Hitoka, she flushes and stutters uselessly.

She can't think of a real secret worth confessing. 

In the end, she says, a bit lamely, "I really like getting my hair braided."

Kiyoko laughs into the room of endeared girls, who all look fondly toward Hitoka.

Kiyoko scoots closer and shoots Hitoka a grin, her beautiful eyes glinting with mischief, her hands raised towards Hitoka's hair, "May I?"

Hitoka nods dumbly and Kiyoko's fingers run through her hair, untying her small ponytails and unclipping her hair clips. 

Kiyoko fixes herself behind Hitoka and Hitoka shivers at the feel of Kiyoko at her back, her flowery scent surrounding Hitoka like a cloak.

Kiyoko talks in quiet tones with Hitoka into the late hours of night, braiding small braids into her short hair.

And all throughout that night, the world seems slower, softer, easier to face.

_

Hitoka meets her in their Classic Literature class.

The heater is broken. 

Hitoka, despite wearing two coats and her self-knitted gloves (she'd been very proud of these, they've got crow designs), shivers in her seat. The professor has spent half the class complaining and battling with the heater and the other half assigning a project which will be due later in the month. It is a group project and as everyone bustles about, making alliances and such, she feels a bit out of tune.

She's grown now, she doesn't struggle as much as she used to, but it's still a bit hard for her to talk to people.

Luckily, she is saved from the awkward plea for acceptance by a girl who reaches out all on her own. 

The girl's dark skin sticks her out from the rest of the class, her absurd height makes her seem kind of goofy, she wears baggy clothes which resemble rags, her poofy hair caresses her cheeks and accentuates her smile. Hitoja is almost immediately endeared by her.

When she clambers over, jumping over rows of seats and dodging people, Hitoka waves shyly.

"Heya! My name is Murakami Lisa! I am a first-year majoring in Music and I would like to work with you!" She bows quickly and straightens with a grin.

Hitoka, windswept by such a loud introduction, nods dumbly and says, "Yes. I mean, okay. Um, I'm Hachi Yitoka."

"Hachi Yitoka?" The girl questions, her face turning inquisitive.

"No! Sorry," Hitoka reddens and fumbles with her notebook, "I'm Yachi Hitoka, I'm also a first-year and I am currently majoring in Art."

"Ok!" The girl, Murakami, says and begins to rattle off her contact information and her ideas for the project and where they should meet up.

Hitoka, who has always been surrounded by bright people, feels a bit calmed by her.

When class ends, Hitoka falls into step with Murakami and doesn't feel so cold anymore.

_

"Yachi, I haven't seen you in forever!" Tanaka says, his sharp grin as geniune as ever.

Hitoka smiles and nods. "I've been quite busy."

Kiyoko smiles and touches her shoulder gently. "You should be easier on yourself. College can kill your soul."

Tanaka nods with a solemnness rare to his face. "Yeah, it sure can."

Hitoka laughs and shakes her head. "I'm okay. I actually really like college. I mean, I'm an art major, so it's not all that bad, 'cause I'm doing what I love and I've got so many plans for what I will do. I'm so close to achieveing my dreams. I'm- um," Hitoka blushes and looks toward the ground, then forces herself to look up and make eye contact once more, "well, I'm really happy right now, so my soul won't die anytime soon."

Surprise flashes over Kiyoko's face before it turns into a soft, proud expression. She grins at Hitoka and touches her shoulder once more. 

"You'll eat the world whole, won't you, Hitoka-chan."

"Wha-No!" Hitoka flusters and Kiyoko roars with laughter.

This is new, too. Kiyoko had never been so free.

"You always spoke of Hinata and the first-years as something other, as if you weren't just as passionate, just as monstrous as the rest of them."

_

Lisa Murakami is an interesting girl.

Hitoka had thought she had her figured out. She thought Murakami-chan would be like Hinata, loud and abrasive, because that was how she had been when Hitoka had first met her.

But Lisa Murakami is not Hinata, nor is she like anyone Hitoka has ever met.

Lisa Murakami is loud and funny, she can't seem to hold in her words. She's constantly crouching to whisper light jokes in Hitoka's ear, roaring with laughter each time Hitoka blushes and grinning proudly when Hitoka giggles. 

Once, when the Professor had his back turned while writing on the board, Murakami-chan had leaned over and whispered in Hitoka's ear and said, "Why can't a T-Rex clap?"

Hitoka had blinked, confused, before whispering back, albeit hesitantly, "It's arms are too short?"

"No, cuz it's dead."

Hitoka had burst with laughter.

Though she'd tried to conceal it as a coughing fit, the giggles kept returning to her and she eventually had to step outside.

Hitoka doesn't know why, Murakami had told much better jokes before, but Murakami had rolled her eyes back and stuck out her tongue, with her hands bent at the wrist in an imitation of a dead T-Rex and Hitoka couln't help her barks of laughter. 

Then, Murakami-chan had bit her lip while grinning, her eyes had shined so brightly, Hitoka could swear she was glowing, and Hitoka didn't much mind the scolding that came after.

Murakami might be underestimated for her carefree nature, but she is sharper than a knife, quick to find each detail Hitoka misses, always offering innovative ideas.

She is also surprisingly quiet when she's working. Hitoka thinks she looks really cute when she's thinking about something, her eyebrows furrow slightly, her eyes squint, and her mouth does this almost-pout that makes her chin wrinkle.

And Murakami-chan is incredibly intelligent, she leaves Hitoka amazed with her anectodes. She always seems to know what everything means, she helps Hitoka out more than Hitoka helps her. But they make a good team, Murakami comes up with ideas and Hitoka fleshes them out, Murakami explains concepts and Hitoka visualizes them. Murakami and Hitoka balance each other out, refining each other's ideas and elaborating where they need to.

Hitoka has never worked so well with someone.

When their project is coming to an end, Hitoka finds herself feelng a bit sad.

"What's up, Hitoka-chan?" Murakami asks.

She'd been sitting at Murakami's desk (they seldom meet at Hitoka's apartment because her roommate is unbearably obmoxious all the time and she often bothers them with her incessant chatter and loud music) bent over their notes, scribbling half-heartedly until Murakami interrupted her.

"Huh?"

Murakami chuckles as she closes and puts away her laptop. 

She pokes Hitoka's cheek playfully. "I asked if something's wrong."

Hitoka shakes her head, but Murakami only rolls her eyes and smiles.

"I can tell something is wrong. You're usually really eager to get work done, but today, you keep stalling. Something must be bothering you."

Hitoka hesitates, then looks up into Murakami's dark eyes.

Murakami shifts in her couch so her body is positioned to face Hitoka.

"Well, Murakami-chan, I'm...We're almost done with the project, but I...I don't want to stop working with you." 

Murakami's face brightens with a grin and she pushed Hitoka lightly. "You don't have to worry about that, Yachi-chan, we're friends now, we can keep hanging out. And we'll definitely team up next time, too."

Hitoka is so relieved to hear those words, she grins.

"By the way, please call me Lisa." Murakami, no, Lisa, says.

"Then call me Hitoka."

The day after, when they're presenting on the impact of societal shifts on the works of classical literature, Hitoka looks over at Lisa and smiles.

Lisa smiles back at her.

-

Hitoka first realizes she is in love in Tokyo.

She is far from home, far from her mother, but she feels so safe here, in a hotel bath, with Kiyoko at her side.

When Kiyoko confides in her and shares her past, Hitoka is warmed.

Here is Kiyoko, so strong, revealing her insecurity, her truths.

When Hitoka calls her scars badges of honor and Kiyoko laughs her most genuine laugh, Hitoka is awestruck.

 _Kiyoko is so beautiful,_ Hitoka thinks.

Kiyoko, who is so kind to Hitoka, who gently guides her through the tasks of a manager, who listens to her ramblings, who pokes fun at her and doesn't laugh at her, but laughs with her.

Hitoka basks in her presence and feels so lucky to be alive, to be here.

They talk into the late hours of night, Hitoka confessing things she has never told anyone else, Kiyoko listening patiently and confessing her own secrets.

When they go to bed, Kiyoko hugs her and says, "Thank you, for being my friend."

Hitoka swells with pride and nods jerkily.

The next day, when Kiyoko throws her Hinata's bag from above, her hair a mess, her face damp with sweat, her eyes half-wild, her grin fierce, Hitoka thinks she's never looked more beautiful.

The game ends and Karasuno is victorious, Hitoka tackles Hinata with a hug and squeals.

"You were amazing!"

Hinata laughs brashly, his eyes still alight with that flame from playing.

"How do you feel?" Hitoka asks, handing him a bottle of water.

"I feel like bwah! You know?" Hinata turns with an expectant grin.

Hitoka shakes her head, smiling fondly.

"It's like wow! It feels really good, like you're really alive, you know? Like, bwah!" Hinata jumps to emphasize his point.

Hitoka ponders this for the rest of the day. 

The only time she can remember feeling 'bwah' was when she declared her worth to her mother, when she made that poster for the boys going to nationals, and the night before, when Kiyoko had held her close and whispered sweet words to her.

 _Oh,_ Hitoka thinks, _I don't want to_ be _her, I want to be_ with _her._

-

The world shifts after this moment.

Hitoka can't help but notice every time Kiyoko strays too close, when their skin meets, whenever she whispers in her ear.

Hitoka is suddenly hyper-aware of Kiyoko and it's killing her. 

Kiyoko's smiles now carry a double meaning. Hitoka is pleased to see her happy, but guilty at the same time.

Hitoka feels unworthy of Kiyoko's affection, she feels like she's deceiving Kiyoko.

Not even the joys and sorrows of nationals can distract her from her feelings.

When Kiyoko cries in the hotel, after Karasuno's defeat, Hitoka holds her like she'd been held by her before.

Kiyoko sniffles and says quietly, "Thank you, Hitoka. I-"

Kiyoko laughs, drier and rougher than Hitoka's ever heard her.

"I've never had such a close friend before. I think I scare people off. I don't know, I guess I'm too awkward."

Kiyoko laughs again, but it's too cold to be genuine.

Then she starts crying again and Hitoka holds her closer.

There's a pang in her heart as she rubs circles into Kiyoko's back, Hitoka knows she is wrong for this, she knows Kiyoko needs a friend more than a lover.

So Hitoka buries her feelings.

Or, at least she tries to.

It is hard not to become foolishly brave when surrounded by recklessly relentless boys like Karasuno's volleyball team.

Hitoka, after much pestering on Hinata's part, gives in and admits her love for Kiyoko.

Hinata lights up for the first time since Nationals.

He grins widely, "Really?"

Hitoka blushes, but nods.

"Woah!" Hinata stands from the desk next to Hitoka and pulls her up along with him.

He starts jumping up and down with her shouting incomprehensible words.

Hitoka laughs freely.

Later, Hinata will urge Hitoka to confess and Hitoka will refuse, but the idea will remain with her.

She thinks of it at night, while she's laying in bed, she thinks of it when she's brushing her teeth, she thinks of it when she's in class.

Eventually, the team notices.

"What's up with you?"

Hitoka startles as Tsukishima stops to stand next to her desk.

"What?"

Tsukishina rolls his eyes and shifts his weight, like he can't wait to leave, but Hitoka has learned to decipher Tsukishima and sees the faint line of worry between his brows.

"You've been off all day." Tsukishima notes, sitting in the desk next to her with an unpleasant expression, as if the desk were contaminated.

"I-I think...well, I think I'm in love with Kiyoko."

Tsukishima blinks, his eyebrows raising for a second before he huffs and schools his expression into blankness once more.

"Of course."

Hitoka reddens and averts her gaze. "You knew?"

"No," Tsukishima grudgingly admits, "but it makes sense now." 

Hitoka sighs and looks down at her fingers. "Tsukishima, I don't mean to be rude, but why are you here?"

Tsukishima looks at her with his cool glare and Hitoka jumps in her seat, quickly waving her hands and bowing furiously to diffuse the situation. "Not that I'm not grateful! I'm so thankful for your concern! Please don't kill me!" 

"Yamaguchi is worried about you and he's too chicken to do anything more than stare at you like a creep, and he's sick today, so I thought I'd do something while he's not here to be weird about it."

Hitoka nods, that makes more sense.

"And-" Tsukishina blurts out, uncharacteristically hesitant, "And you're our manager, you're like not half-bad or whatever, so it'd be a disservice to the team if you died or quit or something."

Tsukishima looks away, but Hitoka can see his ears burning red.

Hitoka doesn't even try to rein in the jab, "Aw, you care."

Tsukishima wips around with shock blaring across his features.

Hitoja giggles at his expression and suddenly feels a whole lot better.

"Thanks, Tsukki."

Tsukishima scoffs, but there's a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips.

"Just fucking confess or whatever, it's not like she'll kill you if she doesn't like you."

Hitoka smiles and nods, then her smile turns sharper, more of a smirk.

"I could say the same to you." 

Tsukishima is once again shocked speechless, before he snorts and stands up, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Whatever."

-

For the rest of the week, the first years send her encouragement whenever they see her in the halls, Hinata often grinning widely and winking in what he must think is subtle but is really just hilariously disastrous, Yamaguchi shyly smiling and offering two thumbs up, Kageyama saluting solemnly and saying, often too loud, "Fighting!", Tsukishima nodding casually, but with hardened eyes.

Hitoka is both invigorated and embarrassed.

She is lucky to have such good friends.

-

Hitoka recognizes this inkling feeling bleeding into her heart at the sight of Lisa.

Hitoka recognizes the rush of blood, the quickening of her heart, the clamminess of her hands.

Hitoka recognizes that her appreciation of Lisa has crossed from platonic to romantic.

Hitoka recognizes this and realizes that for the first time, she's not all that afraid.

Lisa is beautiful, in a rough, sharp sort of way.

Her harsh laugh, her calculating eyes, her wild hair, her awkward limbs, her goofy grin.

Lisa demands to be seen, to be loved.

Hitoka has never fallen so quickly before.

Lisa plays a song for her one spring afternoon.

She's a music major for a reason.

Lisa comes alive when she's playing, her eyes burn in that all-too-familiar flame Hitoka has seen in truly passionate people like Hinata, or Kageyama, a flame she feels burning in herself sometimes.

Lisa had told her, with a soft expression and a quiet voice, that her mother taught her how to play her first instrument, the guitar, when she lived with her maternal grandmother in Haiti. She said her father taught her the violin and the piano when they moved back to Japan.

Lisa is a master of so many instruments, but she'd told Hitoka that she's never felt more alive than when she plays the guitar. 

So she plays the guitar for Hitoka on that spring day, with the rain tapping onto the windows and the heater thrumming in the background.

Lisa's finger run across the frets, pressing down the strings and lifting them quickly, sliding up and down while her other hand plucks at the strings carefully, occasionally strumming.

Lisa starts off humming, her hands coaxing a sorrowful tune from the guitar.

As the song progresses she sings, in a language Hitoka suspects to be French, brighter and brighter until the song is a celebration.

Somehow, between the sadness and acceptance and determination of the song, Hitoka begins to cry.

Lisa, peers up at her and continues playing, her honest eyes open and wide.

When the last note plays, it hangs in the air of Lisa's apartment. 

Lisa smiles a small, true smile. Her eyes flicker to Hitoka before scittering away shyly.

"What do you think?"

Hitoka claps and laughs, sniffling helplessly. "I think you're amazing."

-

Hitoka confesses for the first time outside of the Karasuno gym.

The boys are exhausted, they've been beating themselves up since Nationals and today was particularly gruesome, they're dragging their feet while cleaning, even Hinata and Kageyama are at a small percentage of their energy level, only half-heartedly arguing.

Hitoka is rolling a basket of balls into the closet when Kiyoko startles her.

"Need help?"

Hitoka whirls around wildly and raises her fists defensively.

Kiyoko throws her head back in a laugh, her hair shining in the fluorescent light and her pretty mole tantalizing Hitoka as Kiyoko's grin widens.

Hitoka gasps at her beauty and blushes furiously.

"Calm down, Hitoka-chan."

Hitoka laughs nervously and teeters in place.

Behind Kiyoko, Hinata is jumping up and down and throwing thumbs up in Hitoka's direction. 

Yamaguchi winks at Hitoka and begins trying to herd the last few stragglers out of the gym and Tsukushima nods one last time before filing out.

Kageyama throws one thump up while nodding gravely. 

Hitoka nods back at them and turns to Kiyoko. 

"Kiyoko, I have something to say to you." Hitoka says, quickly before she can change her mind like she did last time at the ice cream shop, or at the park, or at Kiyoko's house.

"Oh? Is everything okay?" Kiyoko tilts her head and her nose scrunches like it always does when she's worried or confused.

"I-" Hitoka cuts herself off before breathing in deeply.

She looks around and sees that Yamaguchi was not very successful in pulling everyone out if the gym and is currently being heckled at by Tanaka and Nishinoya.

"Can we go outside?"

Kiyoko nods and leads the way, sending cautious glances over her shoulder every three steps.

Hitoka picks up her bag on the way and steadies herself as she does.

When they're outside and the cold air hits them, Hitoka feels more confident. 

Hitoka pulls out her folder and inhales deeply before looking up at Kiyoko.

"I've been meaning to tell you this for some time. I didn't know how to say this, but I can't keep it inside anymore. You deserve to know the truth and-" Hitoka pauses in her ramble and smiles shyly at Kiyoko, her face burning with embarrassment and hope and fear all at once.

Hitoka grips the folder tightly.

Her heart is pounding in her ears when she says, "And I'm...well, I...I've been thinking you might feel the same way."

Hitoka must've paused for too long because Kiyoko opens her mouth to speak, but Hitoka raises a hand.

"Please, let me finish. I'm sorry, I won't take long."

Kiyoko's pensive expression becomes even more troubled and she wraps her arms around herself. The moon reflects in her cool blue eyes and when she nods at Hitoka with that patient way she does, Hitoka is reminded why she's doing this.

"I love you!" Hitoka rushes out before she can wait a moment longer and thrusts her folder into Kiyoko's hands. 

Kiyoko is surprised for a long moment, before her mouth twists helplessly and she looks at Hitoka with an emotion in her eyes that Hitoka can't quite make out.

Hitoka can't bear the silence, so she blurts, "I made that for you."

She points to the folder and bites her tongue while digging her fingernails into her palms.

"Um, you've really inspired me. You're so amazing and - and, so confident. I've never met a girl like you. I really, really love you, Kiyoko. I want to be with you."

When Kiyoko still doesn't reply, Hitoka feels her eyes begin to burn.

Kiyoko looks down at her and Hitoka, with horror, realizes the emotion in her eyes now.

It's pity.

"Hitoka-chan, I- I really love you, too. I do, please trust me. But I can't love you the way you love me. I- I honestly don't think you know me all that well, I mean. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I- I think you as my little sister."

Kiyoko looks around helplessly, as though someone will come save her. 

Hitoka's tears finally overflow and they burn as they run down her cold cheeks. 

Kiyoko's usual grace abandons her and she winces, raising her hands toward Hitoka awkwardly, "I-"

Hitoka's throat closes up and when she speaks, her voice warbles and cracks, "I'm sorry."

Kiyoko's face, the face Hitoka had grown to love, breaks with sorrow at Hitoka's words. Kiyoko steps back, her hands retreat to her chest and her eyes beginning to water.

"Hitoka-chan,"

Hitoka feels a wave of regret wash over her, so powerful it almost knocks her off her feet.

"Pwease-" Hitoka hiccups, "please forget it, Shimizu-san."

After Hitoka forces the words through her snot and tears, Kiyoko's own tears break through.

Kiyoko calls out her name once more, but by this point, Hitoka had already ran away.

-

One day, Lisa comes over to Hitoka's apartment with two tight braids.

Her hair, so often untamed and free around her face, is tied back in ornate braids.

Hitoka inhales and says, "Wow, Lisa, you look really nice."

Lisa blushes and slumps onto Hitoka's bed, shyly touching her own hair. "Really? Thanks."

Hitoka smiles gently and scoots closer to her. "Your braids are beautiful."

"I learned from my Mom." Lisa says proudly.

Hitoka hums and looks at Lisa's braids appreciatively.

"Do you-" Lisa stops abruptly and blushes, "Do you want me to braid your hair?"

Hitoka stops and stares at Lisa, who smiles back at her.

"Yes, I'd like that very much."

-

Hitoka spends a week preparing her gift for Kiyoko. 

She pours all her love into this, hoping Kiyoko will understand what her words can not convey.

She slaves over it each afternoon, drawing the outline until it's perfect, arranging it restlessly on her computer until her eyes burn from the harsh light, she even dares ask her mother for advice.

Hitoka allows herself to be proud of her work.

She had done her best to capture Kiyoko's beauty, the vibrantness of her eyes, the slight tilt of her smile, the sleekness of her hair, that beautiful mole.

In her gift, Kiyoko sits atop a hill, under a willow tree (Kiyoko had told her a story about breaking her leg while climbing her grandparent's willow tree and she had looked so happy while telling her, that Hitoka could not get her smile out if her head for days), her legs up to her chest, and her arms around Hitoka, who looks up at her lovingly, whole Kiyoko looks out on the hills. 

Her mother had praised Hitoka for this, but not even her mother's approval was able to quell the anxiety ripping Hitoka apart.

She hoped it would be enough for Kiyoko.

-

Hitoka had not planned on becoming an art major.

She was more inclined to pursuing business, like her mother not-so-subtely hoped for.

Her mother had been leaving pamphlets for her old school around the house, with 'Best Business School' circled in red ink.

She didn't mind following that route, she figured she'd gotten quite good at managing the team and didn't think working in a company would be much different.

But then Hinata runs off to Brazil and Tsukishima announces he will pursue volleyball in college, and Kageyama gets scouted, and Hitoka realizes that she doesn't want to be left behind.

Hitoja doesn't want to waste away doing something she doesn't whole-heartedly love.

Her mother's words come back to her, _Joining passionate people when you aren't going to give your all is the rudest thing you can do._

Hitoka decides, to hell with it all, and joins one of the most prestigious liberal arts school in the country.

When she tells Lisa this story and she bursts into laughter, Hitoka knows she made the right decision.

-

Hitoka grew to love others after Kiyoko.

She mended the wound Kiyoko had left and covered it with new love, with new scars.

In the second half of her second year, when Hitoka was seventeen, Hitoka met Mei.

Mei took over the Girls Voleyball team after Michimiya-san. Her serves were gnarly and her grin was downright wicked, but her words were kind and she kissed as softly as summer rain. 

She moved away in the summer, but Hitoka never forgot her.

In third year, when Hitoka was eighteen, Hitoka fell for her classmate, Koharu.

Koharu liked to doodle on the edges of her paper and made up tales which never failed to amuse Hitoka. She was shy, but her hands were confident when they held Hitoka's hips.

Hitoka has loved and been loved, and felt lucky for it all, but Kiyoko had never left the recesses of her mind.

Until Lisa. 

-

Hitoka confesses her love for the fourth time in her life inside of a crowded restaurant in early summer. 

Lisa is stuffing her face with ramen, trying to continue their conversation through the massive amount of noodles in her mouth.

Hitoka smiles fondly and slurps her own noodles.

"So, I think you should do the art for my album."

Hitoka clusters and almost chokes on her food.

Lisa swallows her food with a growing grin and pats her back. 

"Hey, hey." 

Lisa hands her a glass of water and Hitoka swallows gratefully.

"Sorry, what?"

Lisa shrugs and smiles, almost shyly.

"You know, when I finish recording my last song, I want to upload it to the Internet. So many stars have been found through the internet, I might as well give it a shot. And there's no one else who can sell my music like you can. Your art would tie it together perfectly. I mean, you're a genius and I'd be lucky to have you by my side for this."

Hitoka feels her cheeks warm and she doesn't realize her mouth's moving before she says, "I like you."

Lisa's eyebrows rise in shock before she giggles and says, "I like you, too."

Hitoka feels the wind leave her.

"Wait, do you...do you understand what I mean by 'like'? I mean, like, like 'like', like I wanna date you 'like'. You make me feel like 'bwah', you know? Oh dear, I'm so sorry. I think I messed all of this up. Please don't listen to me." Hitoka babbles, waving her hands wildly.

Lisa chuckles, grabs her hands and intertwines their fingers. 

"I understand, and I like you too. You make me feel like 'bwah' too." 

Hitoka looks up in surprise to see Lisa smiling softly.

Hitoka smiles back.

-

Hitoka goes to Kiyoko's wedding.

It's a small gathering, with only the closest of friends and family.

Hitoka had not thought she'd be invited.

Kageyama was the one who told her that Tanaka and Kiyoko were dating. It'd been more of a slip of the tongue, he'd grown red once he realized and had looked over warily at Hitoka. 

Granted, this had been in their third year, after Koharu had decided she didn't want a public relationship.

Hitoka had waved him off, but the pain had still rung throughout her.

Hitoka heard from Yamaguchi and Tsukishima that Kiyoko had proposed because she'd been sick of waiting for Tanaka to do it and she'd laughed, a bit sadly. It was very much like Kiyoko to do such a thing.

Hinata is the one who calls her as soon as he hears the news.

His voice, deeper now, asks hesitantly after a long pause, "Are you okay?"

Hitoka smiles and feels warm at the love that surrounds her, "I'm just fine, don't worry."

She and Kiyoko had drifted apart over the years, though they'd mended their bond during Hitoka's second year, after Kiyoko had visited them at Nationals.

Kiyoko had apologized and hugged herself and Hitoka had never seen her look so lonely, so she had taken a leap of faith and pulled Kiyoko into her arms.

Kiyoko had gasped and cried and squeezed her so tight Hitoka felt her ribs ache.

After all, Kiyoko had loved Hitoka, just not in the way Hitoka had so desperately wanted.

Hitoka is the first person to find out about Kiyoko's girlfriend.

Kiyoko tells her that after Hitoka's confession, she realized that she'd been in Hitoka's shoes before, without even knowing.

Kiyoko tells her about Michimiya, who Kiyoko had never been able to speak to, but had always looked after. Kiyoko tells her about Ichika, the girl who now holds her heart.

Hitoka smiles and it's only half forced, she feels the same joy Kiyoko feels, but she also feels her own wretched jealousy and burning sorrow.

The next month, Hitoka lets herself fall for Mei.

Kiyoko still speaks to her throughout the years. They don't completely lose contact, but they never regain their bond of before.

But as Kiyoko walks down the aisle, Hitoka does not regret attending.

Kiyoko is shining, she is the moon pulled down to earth, she is a goddess in human form.

Hitoka is reminded of why she fell in love with her, but she's also reminded of why she was her friend first.

When Kiyoko's eyes stray to her, Hitoka grins, truly and genuinely, and sticks out two thumbs up.

Kiyoko smiles and her eyes return to Tanaka, who has inevitably been reduced to tears. 

Hitoka sees Daichi slip money into Suga's hand and can't restrain the snort which escapes. 

Hitoka always knew that Daichi believed too much in Tanaka, he'd thought Tanaka would last more than half the ceremony, but obviously Suga knew better. 

Nishinoya, at Tanaka's side, is also sniffling helplessly, furiously biting his lip. 

Asahi had begun crying as soon as Kiyoko had walked in (Suga had snickered and pinched his arm with a "Jeez, Asahi, you'd think you were her dad or something.") and Ennoshita had been trying to pretend his eyes weren't tearing up, Yamaguchi was enthralled throughout the whole ceremony and kept sneaking glances at Tsukishima, Tsukushina would do the same each time Yamaguchi looked away.

Hitoka smiles and thinks, _No, I don't regret being here at all._

-

Hitoka introduces Lisa to Hinata, Kageyama, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi three months after the wedding, two weeks after the match between the Black Jackals and the Schweiden Adlers.

They sit in the same restaurant Hitoka had confessed in (it's become a favorite of theirs).

Lisa and Hitoka come in earlier than the scheduled time, just so Hitoka can prepare her for the chaos that her best friends seem to carry with them.

But her plans are foiled when she sees Yamaguchi and Tsukishima already waiting, bickering lightly as they look over the menu.

"Why are you guys early? _We_ were going to be early." Hitoka huffs as Lisa slides into the booth across from them.

Tsukishima shrugs. "I want extra time to decide what I want before the monsters come and eat everything this restaurant has to offer."

Yamaguchi shoves him lightly and reaches across the table to shake Lisa's hand.

"Hello, I'm Yamaguchi Tadashi, I've been friends with Yachi since first year of high school. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Hitoka tries to stop him, but Lisa's already there to accept his hand.

Lisa bares her perfect teeth in a wide grin and shakes his hand fervently. "I'm Murakami Lisa, I'm Hitoka-chan's girlfriend."

Hitoka facepalms. "I'm sorry, I'm supposed to introduce you. I'm a terible host."

Lisa laughs and shakes her head. "Don't worry, babe, you're the best."

Tsukishima, the lifesaver, pipes up, "You haven't introduced me yet."

"You're right, Tsukki!" Hitoka brightens.

"Lisa, this is Tsukishima Kei, he's a sucky jerk and he's one of my best friends of all time. Tsukki, this is Lisa, she's my girlfriend and she's replaced Hinata as my best friend."

Lisa smiles fondly at her before turning to shake Tsukishima's hand.

Tsukishima, though he keeps his face blank, seems happy with what he sees in Lisa because he turns to Hitoka and nods with approval.

Hinata and Kageyama come right on time, and Hinata scolds them for being early before first bumping Lisa (Hitoka had already introduced them a week before and they'd gotten on like fish to water) and flicking Tsukishima on the forehead. 

Yamaguchi giggles as Tsukishima tries to retaliate. 

Kageyama bows and plops himself down at Tsukishima's side. 

Hitoka takes this as her cue to introduce them and does so accordingly.

Lisa, even after shaking his hand, can't stop staring.

"Woah, it's still so weird seeing famous people up close."

"Famous? Where?" Kageyama startles suddenly and cranes his head to look for the famous person Lisa is referring to.

Lisa laughs and shakes her head. "I meant you."

"Me?" Kageyama blinks.

Hinata barks out a laugh. "He's oblivious, don't mind him."

"Don't flatter him or his head will burst." Tsukishima grumbles.

Yamaguchi snickers.

Hitoka feels a warmth spreading through her body.

She's so lucky to love and to be loved.

**Author's Note:**

> this might've been a bit ooc but this I wanted to pay a homage to yachi cuz I think shes amazing, and I also wanted to write a cute gay love story cuz Its my bday and if i cant have one of my own, I'll make one and cry about it, I wrote this in one sitting so its rough, but thx for reading
> 
> My twt is @hyacinth4maria


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